Breastfeeding a Toddler

It's been a while since I talked about this, and extended breastfeeding has been on my mind due to the frequency with which it's come up lately, even while I'm in class of all places! In the near future, I will write about the practicalities of breastfeeding a toddler and how our nursing relationship has changed over the past few months. But for now, I just want to get up on my soap box and talk about public perceptions of extended breastfeeding.

In the US, most women who are still breastfeeding stop once their child turns one. This is in part due to the AAP recommendation, and its arbitrariness baffles me. As a result, women who choose to continue to nurse their children past the age of one are the target of additional scrutiny and questioning. "When are you going to wean?" becomes the default question when someone learns you are still breastfeeding. Nursing in public becomes more awkward because you can feel people staring and wondering how old your kid is. And heaven forbid you continue to nurse through toddlerhood and the preschool years. Then breastfeeding ceases to be a way to nourish and bond with your child and becomes something "gross." If you mention a child nursing at the age of five, as has come up in both of my classes this term (not brought up by me, even!), you are met with disbelief and disgust. Why does the US have such a screwed up opinion of breastfeeding? Is it because breasts have become so sexualized that we've forgotten their natural function?

When someone asks me about weaning or makes a derogatory remark about extended breastfeeding, I usually respond with three facts:
- The World Heath Organization recommends breastfeeding for a MINIMUM of two years.
- The average age at weaning worldwide is 4.7 years old.
- In most of the world, children wean between the ages of 3 and 7 years old.

We in the US are not the norm. It makes me wonder what the average age of weaning would be if we excluded the US from the statistics. Women who choose to breastfeed their children past the age of one, and even to the age of five, are in good company. They are not freaks. They are not "breastfeeding nuts." They just want to give their children the best they can and continue the incredible bond that is formed through nursing.

Now, it would be hypocritical of me to judge others for judging extended breastfeeding since I once did the exact same thing. But, with some education and experience, I changed my mind. And now I can only hope to change the minds of others.

The other day, we were out for dinner, and Ethan needed to nurse. As I fed him, I began to wonder when I should stop nursing him in public. I mean, I'd never seen anyone else nursing a toddler in public. And then it hit me. That's exactly why I should continue to nurse in public. Because as long as extended breastfeeding is kept behind closed doors, it will continue to be "gross" and "just wrong." Maybe I'll never change anyone's mind about extended breastfeeding. But maybe, just maybe, a woman will see me nursing my toddler son or overhear me quoting the above statistics and realize that it's normal and natural to nurse your child as long as he or she wants. And maybe she won't feel pressured to stop nursing after that first birthday. And maybe others will see her or hear her talk about nursing her toddler. And maybe someday extended breastfeeding will be seen for all of its positive, natural benefits instead of being an act of shame. And that possibility is worth all the dirty stares and derogatory comments.

Formula Free Day

No, I didn't up my supply to the point that we no longer have to supplement. However, I did manage to store up 48 oz. in my freezer stash! Now, that may not seem like a lot to those of you that have a normal supply, but for me, that's 3 months worth of hard work! And since some of the milk was coming up on that 3-month mark, I decided to go hog wild (yes, hog wild) and supplement exclusively with frozen milk instead of formula. So for the first time since he was one-month-old, Ethan received nothing but mommy milk today (with the exception of his solid meals, of course). And it was pretty awesome.

For the love of breastfeeding

Yes, this is a post solely about breastfeeding, so anyone who doesn't want to hear about it (i.e. my brothers), why don't ya skip this one? Or keep reading and you may learn something!

My nursing relationship with Ethan has been quite a journey, as all breastfeeding relationships are, really. In the beginning, it was painful and anxiety-ridden. For a while, it was just another thing on a long list of baby to-dos. Things I just HAD to do in order to take care of him but that I didn't necessarily enjoy doing. And now? Well, now time spent nursing is my favorite part of the day. Ethan hasn't yet figured out how to sign for milk, but he comes running whenever I sign it to him. And he has his ways of letting me know when he wants to nurse (namely, pulling my shirt down and fussing if I don't immediately unclip the nursing tank... subtle, isn't he?) Lately, he's been wanting to nurse every hour or two, which several months ago would have driven me crazy, but now I wouldn't have it any other way. This is in part because nursing is no longer an hour-long marathon. Instead, he crawls into my lap in the midst of playing, gets his fill, and flips off again, back to his toys. He often even brings a toy with him, never stopping his play during his cuddle with mom. Consequently, most breastfeeding occurs on the floor for minimal play-disruption. As I type this, he's just abandoned messing with his daddy's computer for a quick nursing session after utilizing his oh-so-subtle move. And after just 2 minutes, he's off again, exploring his world. In the mornings, I still get a long cuddle as he nurses for 20-30 minutes right after waking. It's the longest time all day that he's awake and relatively still, and we sit and rock in the silence of his nursery. And it's divine.

When I think about weaning, I actually feel depressed and anxious. I can't imagine not getting to nurse my baby. I have several friends who chose to wean at 6 months for various reasons, and I just think about all that I would have missed. If I stopped nursing then, I never would have gotten to see him stand up while nursing, never losing the breast while he bounced and crawled around my lap. And most women in the US seem to wean at a year, but just think of what all I would miss then! So when do I plan to wean? Whenever Ethan decides he doesn't want to nurse anymore. Even if that means I'm nursing a 5-year-old. Yes, really. I never thought I would feel that way. In fact, when I learned my mother-in-law breastfed my brother-in-law until he was three, I thought she was a bit nuts (sorry, Susan!) But now I get it. And I just hope and pray my supply will keep up for as long as Ethan wants to nurse. ((And I really hope I will have the supply to tandem nurse if that becomes our situation because that couldn't be good for sibling rivalry to wean Ethan so his little brother/sister can have all of mommy's milk.))

Speaking of weaning, the goal had been to wean Ethan off of formula supplements by around 10 months. Well, we didn't make it. In fact, we're not even close. But we did manage to reduce his supplements by 10 oz/day, so that's something at least. Whether that's from increased solids or increased milk supply, I'm not sure. I don't know whether the $100/month in medicinal supplements I'm taking to increase my supply are doing anything at all. I'll admit I finally dropped all pumpings except my evening one and instead I'm just offering Ethan to nurse more often throughout the day. It just got to be too hard to keep up with him now that he's walking. Sometimes I still feel like a failure or like I'm not doing enough to increase my supply. Sometimes I just feel hopeless no matter how hard I work at it. But at least he's getting as much as I can make him, even if it means he has to have some formula, too.

And I've learned from all the bumps this journey has taken. For starters, I made some mistakes early on that definitely could have had lasting effects on my supply. When we were still trying to figure out what was going on with Ethan's weight gain, the lactation consultant thought I might have oversupply since Ethan was having more than adequate diapers but still wasn't gaining. As a result, for a couple of weeks I did block feedings, nursing only on one side so that he could get more of the fatty hindmilk. And that couldn't have been good for my supply. I also would have been more vigilant about pumping early on and doing everything I could to increase supply. I just didn't realize how important it would be, and, as I said above, I still saw breastfeeding as just another thing I had to do. But I can't change the mistakes I made. And now I know better for next time. And in the meantime, I still have an awesome nursing relationship with my son, which I wouldn't trade for anything!

I know many women choose not to breastfeed, are unable to breastfeed, or choose to wean early on, but if you are able, give it a fair shake. It certainly hasn't been easy for me, but I've kept at it, and I'm so glad I did. It's a bond like nothing else in this world.

Mommy Must Haves: The Early Months

This post has been months in the making. Back when Ethan was a newborn, I'd planned a post about what baby gear was invaluable, what stuff we used occasionally, and what we could have done without, not including obvious necessities like a car seat, crib, diapers, clothes, etc. Yeah, it never got written, except for in my head. So instead, I'm going to do a 3-part series to see how my Mommy Must Haves changed over the course of Ethan's first year. The Early Months will cover the newborn stage to 4 months. The Middle Months will cover 4-8 months. The Later Months will cover 8-12 months. And perhaps there will be a final installment entitled Toddler Edition. So here goes!

Must Haves:

1) Moby Wrap


Hands down the best baby gift ever! I've already detailed my love of the Moby in previous posts, but not only did it save my sanity on many occasion, it also served as my introduction to the world of babywearing. Further exclamations of adoration will be saved for another babywearing post, though, so suffice it to say it's my #1 newborn must have.

2) Fisher-Price My Little Lamb Swing


This was also essential to our sanity because Ethan slept exclusively in his swing at night for the first 3 months. He also sporadically slept in it for naps, which was the only time we actually turned the swing on. It allowed us to cosleep safely (until he began rolling back-to-front at least), and its rocking enabled him to put himself to sleep on several occasions. However, it did become a bit of a crutch, so I'm not sure what our plan will be for future kids. At the very least, I may want to try out the bassinet of the Pack-n-Play with #2 and attempt a crib transition a bit earlier.

3) aden + anais SwaddlePlus Wraps


Talk about a baby-multitasker! These light-weight muslin blankets are perfect for swaddling, of course, and Ethan was swaddled in them every night for the first 3 months. They were also great blankets for the car seat and out and about. When rolled up, they made a great head-support for the car seat. They doubled as nursing covers for times I felt modest about nursing in public. They served as burp cloths when a cloth diaper wasn't at hand. They kept baby warm during sponge baths. We have 8 of them, and honestly, we needed that many, especially in the beginning. I cannot say enough about how much I love them!

4) Boppy Pillow


Another versatile item. The Boppy is of course great for supporting a baby during breastfeeding, but it also serves as an infant "chair" before they can roll. If he was content to just sit and smile, we could plop him in the Boppy on the couch and sit with him without needing to hold him. It also kept him stationary when I was getting ready to feed him or when I needed to pump afterwards. Definitely one of those baby items I didn't expect would get as much use as it did. We actually have two (one a shower gift; one a yard sale find) so that we can keep one in the nursery by the glider and the other downstairs.

5) Dutalier Comfort Plus 2 Post Glider


I spent many hours nursing and rocking in this chair. In the beginning, Ethan would often nurse for over an hour, so comfort was important, especially for those night feedings when I really didn't want to get up to begin with. Even now, I often read to Ethan in the glider, I rock Ethan before bedtime, and he has his first nursing of the day in the glider. It's also the stage for his monthly photos. Well worth the investment to have a custom glider!

We also liked:

1) Dr. Brown's BottlesWe hadn't expected to need these very much since I had hoped to exclusively breastfeed. However, my body had other plans, so starting a little after the first month, we began bottle-feeding supplements. We still only have the newborn starter kit, which means I wash bottles on the regular, and all of the parts of these bottles can get a little tedious. Nevertheless, Ethan took them immediately, which makes them winners in my book.

2) Tiny Love Gymini Super Deluxe Lights and Music Activity Mat


Ethan loved staring up at the dangling toys and eventually batting at them, too. And I loved having a soft place I could put him while I folded laundry. The utility of a quilt with the engagement of a toy. I'm not sure I would have purchased one if we didn't receive it as a gift, but we definitely got a lot of use out of it!




I may add a bit more to second part of this list later, but for now, it's time for bed!

You Are What You Eat

I figured it's been a while since I talked about this, so this will be a general update on all that Ethan eats (except for cat fur because that's not supposed to go into his mouth). We're still nursing at least five times a day, and he's taking three bottles of formula supplement and two meals of solids. So let's start with nursing:

We made it over a hump a month or so ago. He'd gotten to the point where he was refusing the breast in favor of the bottle, which really upset me. He would only nurse a couple of minutes on each side, and I worried about my supply. Finally, I just stopped stressing out about it. And gradually, he stopped popping off and crying until I gave him the bottle. He still often nurses only a few minutes on each side, but I put him on each side 2-3 times in the course of a feeding so I feel like he's doing enough. As stressful as it's been, I love nursing. Obviously, I wish we could just nurse exclusively, but my body had other plans for the past almost 7 months. However, as he continues to add solids, his need for formula supplements is decreasing (just as the lactation consultant predicted). Already, we've dropped one bottle due to his changing nap and eating schedule. I was very nervous about this, but the numbers on the scale continue to rise! As a result, I have a new goal. I'm going to add back pumpings and such in order to boost my supply, and with increased solids, I hope to be off supplements around 10 months. I don't know if we'll reach that goal, and obviously we'll continue with the supplements if his weight starts to stall, but it would be so nice to not have to deal with bottles and formula anymore. (Don't worry, Mom. I talked about this with his doctor, and she thought it was a great idea provided we continue to monitor his weight, which we will. I know you're going to worry anyway, but you know I would never do anything that compromises Ethan's thriving.)

Now on to those supplements. Around the same time as the nursing hump, we dealt with Ethan getting easily distracted when taking his bottle. It became a major production and required multiple bottle breaks and changes in scenery to get him to finish. We seem to have overcome that, as well, much to my relief! He gets a bottle after his second, third, and final nursing of the day, so even with my tiny stash, I only have to wash bottles twice a day and mix formula once. It's still a pain, but not as bad as when he had five (smaller) bottles a day.

And now onto solids. My freezer contains the following (in order of introduction):
- Organic sweet potato puree: Likes it now!
- Organic brown rice cereal: Not a huge fan unless mixed with banana.
- Organic pear puree: Loves it!
- Organic apple puree: Loves it!
- Sweet pea puree: Loves it!
- Organic asparagus puree: Loves it!
- Turkey puree: Tolerates it if mixed with pear, but he has a hard time swallowing it without a sippy cup of water
- Organic spinach puree: Waiting until 8 months to try due to Nitrates and Oxalates

In addition, Ethan still loves banana, still hates avocado (we tried it again last week... not good), and is obsessed with yogurt. We were using Stoneyfield Farms YoBaby, but then I decided to just get Stoneyfield Farms Plain Whole Milk yogurt and mix his purees in. Now I'm thinking about just making my own yogurt because it's actually quite easy! I'll let you know how it goes. He eats 4 oz. of yogurt every afternoon, which helps to make up for the lack of a bottle then since yogurt actually has more calories.

So all in all, we're both doing great!

Reunited and it feels so good!

Well, we survived! This past weekend was our weekend away for the office Christmas party. It's always a lot of fun, but this year it meant leaving my baby for the first real time, which made it slightly less relaxing. However, it was also the first year I haven't come back to exams, so I guess that was nice! Anyway, as mentioned before, my parents came up to watch him while we were gone, and everything went wonderfully. They kept him on schedule (thanks Mom & Dad!), he was his adorable baby self, and I made it through with minimal tears and only two calls to check in.

Since I've had such issues with supply, I was unable to pump anything of substance for my absence, so Ethan was an all-formula baby for a day, which he seemed to tolerate fine. Unfortunately, he's been fighting me at the breast most feedings since we got home, so I'm worried he's become too used to bottles. Speaking of supply, I of course was pumping during every feeding in order to maintain it, and I ended up with 8 ounces to take home. I was thrilled to get 2 oz. the first pumping session since previously I'd only ever gotten about 1/3 oz. However, with the exception of the following morning, I held steady at about 1 oz. a session every other time, which was disappointing. I know Ethan is able to extract more than the pump, but I think that definitely shows my issue is a low supply, which refuses to be corrected no matter what steps I take. It makes sense, after all, though. My body didn't want to conceive Ethan without medical assistance, my body may not have carried Ethan without medical assistance, so it follows that my body won't feed Ethan without medical/technological assistance, and I just need to be grateful for all we have. I feel my dedication to breastfeeding was pretty evident, though, considering I had the joy of leaving the party for 25 minutes while I sat out in the car in sub-freezing temperatures to pump, all the while paranoid someone would come out to investigate. Needless to say, I got less than an ounce that session!

Meanwhile, my parents dressed Ethan up in a Christmas outfit from my grandmother and proceeded to take dozens of pictures of him under the tree for their Christmas card photo. He was obviously happy to play with his grandparents:


I'm still sad about one thing from the absence. It just so happened that the weather chose this weekend for Ethan's first snow, something I had (admittedly inexplicably) looked forward to since before he was born. Yes, I know he has no clue what's going on, but it's something I'd been waiting for, and we missed it. Thankfully, there was still plenty of snow on the ground when we returned, but I missed him seeing it fall. My parents said he was enraptured with it and kept staring at the snow-covered trees. ::sigh:: After we got home on Sunday morning, I bundled him up for some exploration, and my dad got a few pictures:



So now things are basically back to normal. After having slept 9 hour stretches the three nights before we left, he only went 5 hours while we were away but was back up to 7 hours last night so maybe that won't last. Hopefully the fighting at the breast is just temporary, and I won't have to keep forcing him to nurse during those feedings when he's being difficult. I had about a foot of hair chopped off at the Pinehurst spa, which is making it more difficult for him to grab ahold of, so that's a welcome change for me. While the weekend was enjoyable, I'm very happy to be back with my baby boy!

Eat, Sleep, Poop

Since Ethan is almost 8 weeks old (!!!), it's about time I had a real update. Since all newborns are supposed to do is eat, sleep, and poop, I thought I'd cover the past 8 weeks under those topic headlines.

EAT:
Ethan has been a great nurser from the start. Despite the lactation consultant in the hospital convincing me that we had a latch problem, my MIL and the LC at the pediatrician felt his latch was perfect and, sure enough, after a few days of nursing, the pain was gone, and he's been nursing like a pro ever since. Unfortunately, being a good nurser hasn't been enough to make breastfeeding a success. To begin with, my milk didn't come in for almost a week so Ethan not only lost weight, he also became borderline dehydrated. He was having about 2 wet diapers a day, including diapers with just "brick dust" so we had to supplement for the first time to get him hydrated and clear out the small amount of jaundice he had, just 1.5 oz/day via an at-breast tube supplement system. Over that weekend, my milk came in, and he gained 3 oz. in 3 days and never had an issue with too-few wet diapers again so we were able to stop supplementing. We thought that would be the end of it, but a week later, we returned for another weight check only to find that his weight had plateaued. The LC suggested several methods to ensure he received more of the fatty hindmilk, but unfortunately, a week later, he had lost an ounce. So back to formula supplements we went, this time giving 3 oz./day. We returned a few days later, and thankfully he'd gained .75 oz./day so the LC instructed us to keep up with the supplements and return for his 2 month well-child check. We decided to buy a baby scale to keep tabs on him in the meantime, and I'm sure glad we did! Daily weigh-ins revealed that Ethan's weight had stalled again, so, after much prodding, another call to the doctor was in order. His supplements were upped to 2 oz. after almost every feeding, and finally we began seeing results. He went from 6 lbs. 14 oz. to 8 lbs. 8.5 oz. as of today (granted, after a full feeding and right before a poopy diaper, but still, that's progress). He still has a ways to go, and I still hate that we have to supplement, but whatever it takes to make sure he's healthy. The pediatrician says we may be able to stop supplementing once he starts solids, so we'll see what happens.

SLEEP:
Because of his slow weight gain, we had to wake him every 4 hrs. at night for the first 4 weeks since he wasn't up to birth weight yet. The LC finally gave us the clear to let him sleep, even though he wasn't back up to birth weight, and that night he slept over 6 hours straight, thus "sleeping through the night." He continued to do so for over a week before cutting back to 5-hour stretches for another couple of weeks, and for the past two nights, he's back up to 6-hour stretches. He's always been a good sleeper. As a newborn, we would have to wake him to eat, and he'd usually fall asleep right after nursing. Now, he's up a good deal more, but he still takes a nap after most feedings, sometimes for only 30 minutes and sometimes for a couple of hours. Getting him to sleep can be a chore, though. Since we brought him home, he's been sleeping in the swing at night because it makes it easy to rock him when he stirs or if he needs help getting to sleep. (There were two nights right after he got his Hep. B shot where he actually spent the night in the Moby with me sitting up on the couch, attempting to sleep. Not good nights!) I know this is a habit we need to break soon, but I'm concerned he won't sleep as well once we transition him to the crib. We had planned on using the Pack 'n' Play in the bedroom instead of the swing, but I think the slight incline also helps him sleep better, so the PnP has remained unused in the corner. Most nights, Ethan either cries to sleep while being rocked or nurses to sleep. However, the past two nights, we've put him in the swing extremely drowsy (usually after he's been crying off-and-on since his last nursing session), and he's been able to go to sleep on his own with just brief rocking to start. Hopefully, this is the beginning of his being able to get to sleep by himself. After his middle-of-the-night feeding, I almost always nurse him to sleep, and I don't see this as being a problem, though it can take forever when he's being stubborn. For naps, Ethan usually sleeps in the Moby (that's what he's doing as I type this). A few times, I've gotten him to sleep in the swing for naps, but I have to turn the swing on and leave it on or else he wakes up. They say to do whatever you have to do to get a baby to sleep the first two months, but those first two months are rapidly coming to an end, so we're going to have to make some changes soon.

POOP:
Not too much to say here (I'm sure you're grateful). Ethan wets 10-15 times a day, which shows he's definitely getting enough fluid, even before supplementing. He's down to pooping about every other day, though he's gone 3 days before, which resulted in a massive blow-out and a thrown-away gown. I learned today that he's discovered the silent poop with the grunt and look of intense concentration, whereas previously his poops could be heard in another room and he seemed oblivious. This makes it harder to tell when it's happening, but, thanks to the formula supplements, it's generally discovered fairly quickly. Oh, here's a big one: We're cloth diapering. My family was extremely skeptical of this at first, with my brothers betting I'd give it up in a matter of weeks. Yet here we are, almost 8 weeks later (we started as soon as we got him home from the hospital, so 1 day old), and I love it! It's no problem to throw them in the wash every other day, and they're so cute and easy. Plus, once we have our initial stash, we don't need to worry about buying diapers again, AND they can be used for subsequent kids. I'm definitely a fan, and I can't wait for him to fit into his BG 4.0s.

So there you have it. The past almost 8 weeks summarized in the life of a newborn. Ethan is much more alert now. As seen in the previous video, he began smiling at exactly 1 month and does it more and more every day. He stares up at my face, grinning, while I read to him. He coos while he plays on his activity mat. He even smiles and talks to me when I'm changing him, something that used to bring nothing but screams! He's an absolute joy, rarely crying unless something's wrong or he's struggling to get to sleep. I'm completely in love.