On a happier note, I just submitted my last final paper for the semester and am therefore done until August! This has left me with mixed feelings. On the one hand, I'm proud to have headed back to school just as I'd planned. And to top it off, I did well! I got an A in my graded course and will get a P in the other one (Thank goodness for pass-fail! I may only end up with a B+ or A- in the course since I certainly slacked off a lot, but I definitely at least passed). So I proved I can do grad school with an infant.
Then on the other hand, I'm reminded constantly that I should be graduating here in two weeks. All of my friends are posting status updates about submitting their last paper of div. school or their last paper of school EVER, and here I am with another year and a half. I could ignore the countdowns until graduation because they were still abstract. But then came senior cross day. And closing convocation. And the senior picture. Not to mention commissioning interviews, job interviews, and appointments. All the things I should be doing now, but I'm not. And yes, I'm doing something incredibly rewarding in raising my son, but I still have a feeling of being left out. As I hugged one of my friends goodbye on the last day of class, we realized we very well may never see one another again. The week after graduation, she's moving back to Texas, and while there are always conferences and continuing ed., our friendship may be relegated to emails and facebook. For some reason, leaving high school and college friends didn't hit me as hard. Perhaps because we were leaving at the same time or I was the one leaving early. Now I'm the one left behind.
And yet, I cannot fathom graduating and looking for a job right now. Maybe it's because I'm fully entrenched in the world of motherhood. But I'm glad my time at the div. school isn't over (even though I might wish for an end to the commute and I certainly don't look forward to leaving Ethan next year). I love the people, I love the classes, I love the reading, I love the places. It's comforting and engaging and enjoyable. And I'll still have some friends there next year, between Ph.D/Th.D. students, professors, and a few 1st and 2nd years I know, plus student pastors and M.Div/MSWs that entered my year. And several of my friends are staying in the area so I'll still see them, even if not in class.
And so with mixed feelings, I say goodbye to many of my friends of the last three years and look forward to my first summer of freedom since the summer after high school (the summer after college doesn't really count since it was full of wedding plans and moving). And I'm looking forward to my fall classes, which helps, too. It may take me an extra year, but I'm going to press on and finish strong!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Succumbing to Sleep Training
Sleep has been a roller coaster with Ethan. He had always been such a good little sleeper. We were allowed to stop waking him to eat around 4 weeks, and that first night he went a 6 hour stretch. From there, he built up to 10 hour stretches in the swing. This was interrupted for a little while when we transitioned to the crib, but within a week, he was back to 9, 10, even 11 hour stretches. Then the 4-Month Wakeful hit, and I feared we'd never sleep again. But after 3 weeks of waking up sometimes every hour, he did a few 12 hour stretches before settling into a rhythm. He would sometimes sleep 10-11 hours but often woke once around 10 or 11 PM. Not strictly ideal, but totally doable. Then his first teeth came in. Ever since then, Ethan has been fighting the crib. He usually will go down fine, but once he wakes up, any attempts to sneak him back in the crib are met with an awake and screaming baby. Thankfully I discovered the mattress-on-the-floor technique, but that means I don't sleep as well and wind up sore. After almost two weeks straight of him refusing to go back in the crib and with him moving his wake-up time to just after 6, I was absolutely exhausted and in need of a fix.
I hadn't wanted to do CIO (cry-it-out). At first I said we could do some form of sleep training at 4 months. Then once he was 4 months, I felt we needed to wait until 6 months (per Ferber's instructions). Around 6 months, he was sleeping OK, so I pushed it off even further, being fine with nursing and rocking him to sleep. I worried about the long-term effects of CIO and having my baby not trust me as much. He'll learn to put himself to sleep when he's ready, right?
Well, last night he decided he didn't want to nurse to sleep. Instead, he'd pop off, reach up for my face, and grin. Cute, but frustrating. After 15 minutes of this, I decided tonight would be the night. At 8:13 PM, I put him in his crib, kissed him, and told him goodnight and that I loved him. At first he was totally fine, reaching up to turn on his aquarium. Then he heard the door close and the crying began. I went in after 3 minutes to soothe and kiss him. I went in after 5 minutes. Eventually, I waited 10 minutes. Each time I left, he cried harder, but the hard-core crying lasted less each time, giving way to softer fussing. Finally, at 9 PM, the crying stopped, but only after 47 minutes of crying. 47 minutes.
I expected him to wake up any minute. I couldn't get to sleep because I was so nervous about it. The next thing I knew, I woke up and it was 3 AM. The monitor was still silent. It was at this point that I decided he hadn't actually fallen asleep but must have fallen out of the crib and broken his neck. As a result, I couldn't get back to sleep for at least a half hour. It was a rough night.
But, y'all, he slept all night. He still woke up just after 6, but that could have been due to his later bedtime. He was happy and as thrilled as ever to see his mommy. This just might work.
Supposedly the first night is the worst. It's supposed to take 3-4 days before they go to bed without protesting, but I'm hopeful that tonight will at least be better. Who knows? By next weekend I may be fully rested with a baby who puts himself to sleep and sleeps all night long. I can dream, at least.
I hadn't wanted to do CIO (cry-it-out). At first I said we could do some form of sleep training at 4 months. Then once he was 4 months, I felt we needed to wait until 6 months (per Ferber's instructions). Around 6 months, he was sleeping OK, so I pushed it off even further, being fine with nursing and rocking him to sleep. I worried about the long-term effects of CIO and having my baby not trust me as much. He'll learn to put himself to sleep when he's ready, right?
Well, last night he decided he didn't want to nurse to sleep. Instead, he'd pop off, reach up for my face, and grin. Cute, but frustrating. After 15 minutes of this, I decided tonight would be the night. At 8:13 PM, I put him in his crib, kissed him, and told him goodnight and that I loved him. At first he was totally fine, reaching up to turn on his aquarium. Then he heard the door close and the crying began. I went in after 3 minutes to soothe and kiss him. I went in after 5 minutes. Eventually, I waited 10 minutes. Each time I left, he cried harder, but the hard-core crying lasted less each time, giving way to softer fussing. Finally, at 9 PM, the crying stopped, but only after 47 minutes of crying. 47 minutes.
I expected him to wake up any minute. I couldn't get to sleep because I was so nervous about it. The next thing I knew, I woke up and it was 3 AM. The monitor was still silent. It was at this point that I decided he hadn't actually fallen asleep but must have fallen out of the crib and broken his neck. As a result, I couldn't get back to sleep for at least a half hour. It was a rough night.
But, y'all, he slept all night. He still woke up just after 6, but that could have been due to his later bedtime. He was happy and as thrilled as ever to see his mommy. This just might work.
Supposedly the first night is the worst. It's supposed to take 3-4 days before they go to bed without protesting, but I'm hopeful that tonight will at least be better. Who knows? By next weekend I may be fully rested with a baby who puts himself to sleep and sleeps all night long. I can dream, at least.
Monday, April 25, 2011
What it means to have a curious baby (in pictures) + a video
The other day, Ethan discovered that he can pull up on our record collection. When he was crawling in the office this morning and went for the records, I went for my camera. Here's what followed (You'll notice the Roomba virtual wall appears on top of the records about halfway through. He kept getting distracted by it on the ground):
Unfortunately, he cannot get down on his own so once he got bored, I had to lift the table up in order to get his big head out!
To show off his pulling-up skills in a different forum, here's a video from this morning of him pulling up on his walker. He started doing this all the time about a week ago, and he can even inch around it to grab the handle from the other side. What a mischief!
Unfortunately, he cannot get down on his own so once he got bored, I had to lift the table up in order to get his big head out!
To show off his pulling-up skills in a different forum, here's a video from this morning of him pulling up on his walker. He started doing this all the time about a week ago, and he can even inch around it to grab the handle from the other side. What a mischief!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
The Return of Consonants
Ethan used to use consonants in his babbling all the time, but around 3 or 4 months, they disappeared in favor of working on sitting up, crawling, and such (this is extremely common). I was never concerned since he's such a social little guy, but I still missed his goos and boos. In the past week, the consonants have returned and have been joined with "dadadadada"s and "mana"s. Here is a video from this morning as he babbled to me from his Jumperoo. Notice, too, the weird way he's been holding his jaw lately as he gets used to his new teeth.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Baby in Motion
Here's a video of some of Ethan's latest stunts. At the beginning, we were trying to get him to lie back on his tummy, but he thought it was more fun to run to Daddy (those are laughs, not cries). You can't see it in this video, but his face always lights up in a huge grin when he sees someone offering him fingers to pull up on. Too cute!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Seven Months
Dear Ethan,
I cannot fathom how it could possibly have been seven months ago that you changed our lives forever. You can't possibly already be seven months old! And yet here you are, crawling, with teeth, eating solids like a champ, and ready to explore the world. Perhaps I'm just in disbelief because you've been sleeping like a newborn again (OK, not quite, but you are refusing to go back in your crib at least once a night, leading to a great deal of frustration and sleep deprivation for your mommy). Despite this, I grow more in love with you every day, and I cannot imagine our lives without you.
This has been an eventful month indeed in terms of milestones! First teeth. Crawling. Pulling up. Expanding your palate (your new favorites are yogurt, pear, and apple). You've found your first "fort" in the form of our coffee table. You still refuse to work on your consonants as much as you used to, but you laugh with delight when we babble on about "ba ba" and "boo" in an effort to refresh your memory. You also seem to be understanding more about object permanence and, with it, separation anxiety. You're a smart little guy, and you make connections that astonish me, such as mommy's backpack = mommy leaving or being strapped in = carseat and being unable to reach mommy. While the ensuing cries are heartbreaking, the brainpower behind them is impressive! Tomorrow is Mommy's last class until August, though, so hopefully we'll have a bit of a respite from your panic, at least during the day.
The next month will be full of cuddles, snuggles, laughter, and playtime since Mommy's attention will no longer be divided by school after the beginning of May. By then, we'll hopefully finally have the house babyproofed so you can have full reign. You'll probably get some more teeth, and hopefully you'll be a better sleeper than you have been lately. There will be new tastes at mealtime, and new sights as we continue to explore the springtime world outside. It will be your first Easter and Mommy's first Mother's Day with an outside baby.
I've always said that my favorite time of infancy is 6-9 months, and here you are right in the thick of it. Every day is a new adventure, and I never know what you're going to get into next. You're full of surprises, Ethan, and I can't wait to see what lies ahead of you. Just know that your mommy and daddy will be there every step of the way.
Love,
Mommy
I cannot fathom how it could possibly have been seven months ago that you changed our lives forever. You can't possibly already be seven months old! And yet here you are, crawling, with teeth, eating solids like a champ, and ready to explore the world. Perhaps I'm just in disbelief because you've been sleeping like a newborn again (OK, not quite, but you are refusing to go back in your crib at least once a night, leading to a great deal of frustration and sleep deprivation for your mommy). Despite this, I grow more in love with you every day, and I cannot imagine our lives without you.
This has been an eventful month indeed in terms of milestones! First teeth. Crawling. Pulling up. Expanding your palate (your new favorites are yogurt, pear, and apple). You've found your first "fort" in the form of our coffee table. You still refuse to work on your consonants as much as you used to, but you laugh with delight when we babble on about "ba ba" and "boo" in an effort to refresh your memory. You also seem to be understanding more about object permanence and, with it, separation anxiety. You're a smart little guy, and you make connections that astonish me, such as mommy's backpack = mommy leaving or being strapped in = carseat and being unable to reach mommy. While the ensuing cries are heartbreaking, the brainpower behind them is impressive! Tomorrow is Mommy's last class until August, though, so hopefully we'll have a bit of a respite from your panic, at least during the day.
The next month will be full of cuddles, snuggles, laughter, and playtime since Mommy's attention will no longer be divided by school after the beginning of May. By then, we'll hopefully finally have the house babyproofed so you can have full reign. You'll probably get some more teeth, and hopefully you'll be a better sleeper than you have been lately. There will be new tastes at mealtime, and new sights as we continue to explore the springtime world outside. It will be your first Easter and Mommy's first Mother's Day with an outside baby.
I've always said that my favorite time of infancy is 6-9 months, and here you are right in the thick of it. Every day is a new adventure, and I never know what you're going to get into next. You're full of surprises, Ethan, and I can't wait to see what lies ahead of you. Just know that your mommy and daddy will be there every step of the way.
Love,
Mommy
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