It's been a while since I talked about this, and extended breastfeeding has been on my mind due to the frequency with which it's come up lately, even while I'm in class of all places! In the near future, I will write about the practicalities of breastfeeding a toddler and how our nursing relationship has changed over the past few months. But for now, I just want to get up on my soap box and talk about public perceptions of extended breastfeeding.
In the US, most women who are still breastfeeding stop once their child turns one. This is in part due to the AAP recommendation, and its arbitrariness baffles me. As a result, women who choose to continue to nurse their children past the age of one are the target of additional scrutiny and questioning. "When are you going to wean?" becomes the default question when someone learns you are still breastfeeding. Nursing in public becomes more awkward because you can feel people staring and wondering how old your kid is. And heaven forbid you continue to nurse through toddlerhood and the preschool years. Then breastfeeding ceases to be a way to nourish and bond with your child and becomes something "gross." If you mention a child nursing at the age of five, as has come up in both of my classes this term (not brought up by me, even!), you are met with disbelief and disgust. Why does the US have such a screwed up opinion of breastfeeding? Is it because breasts have become so sexualized that we've forgotten their natural function?
When someone asks me about weaning or makes a derogatory remark about extended breastfeeding, I usually respond with three facts:
- The World Heath Organization recommends breastfeeding for a MINIMUM of two years.
- The average age at weaning worldwide is 4.7 years old.
- In most of the world, children wean between the ages of 3 and 7 years old.
We in the US are not the norm. It makes me wonder what the average age of weaning would be if we excluded the US from the statistics. Women who choose to breastfeed their children past the age of one, and even to the age of five, are in good company. They are not freaks. They are not "breastfeeding nuts." They just want to give their children the best they can and continue the incredible bond that is formed through nursing.
Now, it would be hypocritical of me to judge others for judging extended breastfeeding since I once did the exact same thing. But, with some education and experience, I changed my mind. And now I can only hope to change the minds of others.
The other day, we were out for dinner, and Ethan needed to nurse. As I fed him, I began to wonder when I should stop nursing him in public. I mean, I'd never seen anyone else nursing a toddler in public. And then it hit me. That's exactly why I should continue to nurse in public. Because as long as extended breastfeeding is kept behind closed doors, it will continue to be "gross" and "just wrong." Maybe I'll never change anyone's mind about extended breastfeeding. But maybe, just maybe, a woman will see me nursing my toddler son or overhear me quoting the above statistics and realize that it's normal and natural to nurse your child as long as he or she wants. And maybe she won't feel pressured to stop nursing after that first birthday. And maybe others will see her or hear her talk about nursing her toddler. And maybe someday extended breastfeeding will be seen for all of its positive, natural benefits instead of being an act of shame. And that possibility is worth all the dirty stares and derogatory comments.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Fourteen Months
Dear Ethan,
Usually this is the part where I talk about how quickly the past month has flown by, but to be honest, this month seemed to last forever. Maybe it was because you spent a good part of it sick. Maybe it's because you have been working on your tantrum-throwing skills to the point that you'd put any two-year-old to shame. Whatever the cause, your turning thirteen months seems like forever ago. And yet I still am amazed at how big you've gotten!
After a month of screaming and whining, this past week you've finally remembered you can sign to tell us what you want, even though we've been reminding you all along. You still haven't expanded your vocabulary any more, but you are such a friendly little guy, waving at every passing car and babbling to complete strangers in your own baby language. While you've been screaming a lot this month, you've also been laughing a lot. You laugh whenever anyone else laughs. You laugh when you're excited, be it about a toy, getting cereal, or nursing. You laugh when we tell you you're silly. You laugh for seemingly no reason at all. And you understand so much. You can fetch just about anything we ask for. You point or look at whatever we're talking about. If I ask you if you want to go for a walk, you run to the door. If I ask if you want a snack, you run to the pantry. I just wish you could figure out how to initiate telling us what you want, without screaming, that is!
In addition to seemingly understanding everything, you're also finally eating everything. While you still have definite likes and dislikes, there is no food that I'm afraid you won't be able to handle. Unfortunately, this has turned you into a snack-stealer, "sharing" all the snacks our friends bring at LLL meetings, but thankfully their mommies don't mind and I always bring snacks to share, too. It seems like just yesterday I was lamenting your inability to eat table foods, and now you stuff your face with whatever you can get your hands on.
You've learned some new tricks to get into trouble lately, too. From opening doors to climbing on couches, you are my little daredevil. Thankfully, you've also figured out how to safely get down from couches and beds, as well as how to climb down stairs, but we don't trust you enough to do so unattended yet. Not all your new tricks are mischievous, however. You've also figured out how to do the shape sorter, though it still takes you a little while, and anything rectangular you get your hands on immediately becomes a phone for you to babble into.
While there have been times this month where Mommy was absolutely desperate for a break, you still just bring us so much joy, and we love you so very much! Hopefully this next month will see increased communication, as well as less illness, and we'll be back to the days flying by in no time.
Love,
Mommy
Usually this is the part where I talk about how quickly the past month has flown by, but to be honest, this month seemed to last forever. Maybe it was because you spent a good part of it sick. Maybe it's because you have been working on your tantrum-throwing skills to the point that you'd put any two-year-old to shame. Whatever the cause, your turning thirteen months seems like forever ago. And yet I still am amazed at how big you've gotten!
After a month of screaming and whining, this past week you've finally remembered you can sign to tell us what you want, even though we've been reminding you all along. You still haven't expanded your vocabulary any more, but you are such a friendly little guy, waving at every passing car and babbling to complete strangers in your own baby language. While you've been screaming a lot this month, you've also been laughing a lot. You laugh whenever anyone else laughs. You laugh when you're excited, be it about a toy, getting cereal, or nursing. You laugh when we tell you you're silly. You laugh for seemingly no reason at all. And you understand so much. You can fetch just about anything we ask for. You point or look at whatever we're talking about. If I ask you if you want to go for a walk, you run to the door. If I ask if you want a snack, you run to the pantry. I just wish you could figure out how to initiate telling us what you want, without screaming, that is!
In addition to seemingly understanding everything, you're also finally eating everything. While you still have definite likes and dislikes, there is no food that I'm afraid you won't be able to handle. Unfortunately, this has turned you into a snack-stealer, "sharing" all the snacks our friends bring at LLL meetings, but thankfully their mommies don't mind and I always bring snacks to share, too. It seems like just yesterday I was lamenting your inability to eat table foods, and now you stuff your face with whatever you can get your hands on.
You've learned some new tricks to get into trouble lately, too. From opening doors to climbing on couches, you are my little daredevil. Thankfully, you've also figured out how to safely get down from couches and beds, as well as how to climb down stairs, but we don't trust you enough to do so unattended yet. Not all your new tricks are mischievous, however. You've also figured out how to do the shape sorter, though it still takes you a little while, and anything rectangular you get your hands on immediately becomes a phone for you to babble into.
While there have been times this month where Mommy was absolutely desperate for a break, you still just bring us so much joy, and we love you so very much! Hopefully this next month will see increased communication, as well as less illness, and we'll be back to the days flying by in no time.
Love,
Mommy
Thursday, November 10, 2011
We're in Trouble Now...
Since a family emergency caused our sitter to cancel too late for me to find a replacement, I had to miss class today. And it's a good thing I did because Ethan discovered a new way to get into mischief:
He can open doors.
He has to stand on his tip-toes, and it sometimes takes him a couple of attempts, but there is now nothing keeping him in or out of a room. He knows he's something, too, because he giggles maniacally the entire time.
I see a Target run in our future for tomorrow...
He can open doors.
He has to stand on his tip-toes, and it sometimes takes him a couple of attempts, but there is now nothing keeping him in or out of a room. He knows he's something, too, because he giggles maniacally the entire time.
I see a Target run in our future for tomorrow...
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Baby's First Stomach Virus
As I mentioned in the last post, there has been blogging silence for good reason! We just finally emerged from beneath the awful cloud that was Ethan's first stomach virus. It came out of nowhere. Sunday the 23rd he was laughing, playing, totally normal. He was a bit fussy when I put him down, but I attributed it to teething. He woke up and cried a couple of times but went back down. Then at around 11:30, he woke up screaming.
::Warning: The following is pretty detailed, so any emetaphobes should probably not read this. For some reason, I just feel the need to record it all for posterity. Perhaps to show Ethan some day to make him see what all his mommy had to do for him!::
I went into the nursery and immediately noticed his legs sticking through the slats of the crib. Poor baby, I thought. He's stuck! But a few steps closer revealed this to be just the beginning of his problem. Not only was he stuck so that he couldn't move, his face was stuck in a puddle of puke. I grabbed him up, stripped him down, and called for reinforcements. Since he hadn't shown any signs of being sick, we concluded that he must have been so upset about his legs being stuck that he made himself vomit, right? Sheets changed, new pajamas, back in bed. And then he began heaving again. I grabbed him just in time for him to puke on my shoulder instead of the crib. We ran to the bathroom where he proceeded to vomit every 5-10 minutes. Finally, Ethan and I settled into the guest room with a towel for a pillow and a Cool Whip container for a puke bucket. After a final puke at 12:30, he passed out in my arms. He woke up once an hour to puke and went back to sleep, though by 2:30, it was mostly just dry heaving and bile. In short, it was an awful night.
He woke up around 6:30, happy as could be. He spent the day playing, nursing, and drinking whatever Pedialyte I could get down his throat (he HATES it!!!). I was feeling pretty good that we had gotten through the worst of it. He even slept somewhat decently that night. On Tuesday, we began adding back a few solids, ever so slowly. Mostly just some cereal and toast. I also began giving him expressed breast milk from my freezer stash since he absolutely refused Pedialyte, even in popsicle form! He was much more sluggish and whiny than the previous day and just didn't seem to feel well. He didn't nap much, and around 6, he was extremely tired. I was doing my best to keep him awake so his daddy could tell him goodnight. He began fussing and, out of nowhere, he vomited up all he'd eaten, all over me and all over the floor. And we were right back where we started. I felt so dejected, so helpless, and so worried that I'd done something wrong to make him sick again.
While he didn't throw up again that night, he also didn't want to sleep alone, so we spent most of the night in the guest room again, nursing and cuddling. And the next day, we started over with the nursing and breast milk. On Thursday, with great trepidation, I added back solids again. And he kept them down! By Friday, he was eating more and seemed to be in better spirits. And by Saturday, his diet was totally normal. However, today has been the first day he didn't have a diarrhea blowout, so he still wasn't 100% (and even now, it's a bit softer than usual).
So even though the worst of it lasted less than a week and the whole thing only lasted a week and a half, I can absolutely say this was worse than the newborn period. Not only did I get basically no sleep, I was constantly worried I was doing something to make him worse. He spent a lot of time whining and crying, which began to get on my last nerve due to the sleep deprivation. He was so high-needs, in fact, that I ate basically nothing from Monday-Thursday, and I lost 6 lbs. in the first 3 days just because I never had time to eat. By Thursday, my sanity was hanging by a thread. I missed all my classes, I had very limited adult interaction, and for most of the day and night, I was totally on my own with a baby I couldn't figure out how to care for. It was hell. And it about broke me.
And now? I'm considering constructing a bubble so that we never have to go through this again.
::Warning: The following is pretty detailed, so any emetaphobes should probably not read this. For some reason, I just feel the need to record it all for posterity. Perhaps to show Ethan some day to make him see what all his mommy had to do for him!::
I went into the nursery and immediately noticed his legs sticking through the slats of the crib. Poor baby, I thought. He's stuck! But a few steps closer revealed this to be just the beginning of his problem. Not only was he stuck so that he couldn't move, his face was stuck in a puddle of puke. I grabbed him up, stripped him down, and called for reinforcements. Since he hadn't shown any signs of being sick, we concluded that he must have been so upset about his legs being stuck that he made himself vomit, right? Sheets changed, new pajamas, back in bed. And then he began heaving again. I grabbed him just in time for him to puke on my shoulder instead of the crib. We ran to the bathroom where he proceeded to vomit every 5-10 minutes. Finally, Ethan and I settled into the guest room with a towel for a pillow and a Cool Whip container for a puke bucket. After a final puke at 12:30, he passed out in my arms. He woke up once an hour to puke and went back to sleep, though by 2:30, it was mostly just dry heaving and bile. In short, it was an awful night.
He woke up around 6:30, happy as could be. He spent the day playing, nursing, and drinking whatever Pedialyte I could get down his throat (he HATES it!!!). I was feeling pretty good that we had gotten through the worst of it. He even slept somewhat decently that night. On Tuesday, we began adding back a few solids, ever so slowly. Mostly just some cereal and toast. I also began giving him expressed breast milk from my freezer stash since he absolutely refused Pedialyte, even in popsicle form! He was much more sluggish and whiny than the previous day and just didn't seem to feel well. He didn't nap much, and around 6, he was extremely tired. I was doing my best to keep him awake so his daddy could tell him goodnight. He began fussing and, out of nowhere, he vomited up all he'd eaten, all over me and all over the floor. And we were right back where we started. I felt so dejected, so helpless, and so worried that I'd done something wrong to make him sick again.
While he didn't throw up again that night, he also didn't want to sleep alone, so we spent most of the night in the guest room again, nursing and cuddling. And the next day, we started over with the nursing and breast milk. On Thursday, with great trepidation, I added back solids again. And he kept them down! By Friday, he was eating more and seemed to be in better spirits. And by Saturday, his diet was totally normal. However, today has been the first day he didn't have a diarrhea blowout, so he still wasn't 100% (and even now, it's a bit softer than usual).
So even though the worst of it lasted less than a week and the whole thing only lasted a week and a half, I can absolutely say this was worse than the newborn period. Not only did I get basically no sleep, I was constantly worried I was doing something to make him worse. He spent a lot of time whining and crying, which began to get on my last nerve due to the sleep deprivation. He was so high-needs, in fact, that I ate basically nothing from Monday-Thursday, and I lost 6 lbs. in the first 3 days just because I never had time to eat. By Thursday, my sanity was hanging by a thread. I missed all my classes, I had very limited adult interaction, and for most of the day and night, I was totally on my own with a baby I couldn't figure out how to care for. It was hell. And it about broke me.
And now? I'm considering constructing a bubble so that we never have to go through this again.
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