Cooking with Toddlers

As I mentioned before, I've recently started cooking with Ethan. So far, we've just been making homemade granola bars. It's a simple recipe with lots for him to dump and stir, AND he loves the end result! So this morning when we prepared to make another batch, I grabbed my camera to capture some of the fun (and mess!)

1) When cooking with Ethan, I always cook mise en place, which is a fancy French term that basically means measuring everything out before we get started. This way, I don't have to keep Ethan entertained while measuring. We can get straight to the dumping!


2) Add one toddler.


3) Let's begin with the oatmeal. This I don't measure out ahead of time because Ethan likes scooping it with the measuring cup.


It's very important to do this on a clean counter because only a portion of the ingredients always make it into the bowl...


It's also very important to have clean toddler hands because, especially if your child is familiar with sensory play, he will want to get his hands into it...


4) Now to add some cranberries...


5) Then the coconut...


6) Now some sunflower seeds...


7) And finally the flour, cinnamon, and salt.


8) And now the dry ingredients get a stir.


9) Then we add the maple syrup and honey to the vanilla with a fun plunger measuring cup...


10) After some help from Mommy in stirring the wet ingredients, it's time to pour the wet ingredients over the dry. I held onto this bowl to prevent a complete mess on the counters, but Ethan still did the dumping.


Almost got it all!


11) Now a final stir to mix it all together...


12) Ethan took a break at this point to chase a kitty while I poured the mixture into a lined 9x9 baking pan and put it in the oven.

Looking to see what's going on in there...


It bakes for 25 minutes, which is just enough time to stuff and fold a batch of diapers while nursing a toddler who insists on playing with two toy puppies while he nurses. Yeah, not as easy as it sounds. I also abandoned my camera at this point.

13) After 25 minutes, put the pan on a cooling rack until it's cool enough to handle. This will take just enough time to schedule an 18-month pediatrician appointment and get dinner into the crock pot. During this time, your toddler will discover he fits inside the cabinet that stores the cooling racks and want to play hide-and-seek. Note: As a result of your divided attention, you may forget to use a liner for the crock pot (which means you'll have to scrub it by hand tonight before making your overnight oatmeal) and forget to season the meat before pouring the sauce over it.

14) Once the pan is cool to the touch, it's placed in the refrigerator to cool for an hour prior to cutting. Then just cut and enjoy!

A Glimpse into Playtime

As promised yesterday, here are a few shots I took of Ethan's play in his new playroom in action:

When I started taking pictures, Ethan had already been playing with his light table and had constructed a sensory bin. It's funny because I had imagined a sensory bin consisting of exactly these materials, minus the Easter grass. I'd planned on it being an ocean theme. Ethan started with the glass gems. Then he wanted to add seashells. Then he wanted to add the rubber sea creatures. Finally, he spotted the Easter grass in the cabinet. I guess he realized we needed to include some seaweed!

I've started using the sensory bin on the train table because it makes clean up easier when we're using small objects than when we play on the carpet. Ethan took a break from his bin to rock (literally) to the record player:

And back to the sensory bin:

Then he hopped down to explore the magnet board:


After a little while spelling out words and sorting the letters into the organizer, he turned to the light board:


Something's missing...

Mardi Gras beads!


He played with the light board for a while more while I sat by and tracked him, and then he realized he was absolutely exhausted so we nursed, had lunch, and went down for a nap. Playtime certainly is more fun with all of these new opportunities for exploration and learning!

Playroom Additions

I blogged here about our transition from office to office/playroom to playroom/office. Since my re-prioritization and renewed emphasis on child-led play, our playroom has seen some new additions. The "renovation" is by no means complete, but I couldn't resist showing off two of our newest play areas:


We'll start on the right with Ethan's new magnet board. We bought a piece of sheet metal from Home Depot as well as a piece of unfinished trim.

Thanks to Daddy's woodworking skills, the trim was cut up to form a frame with a groove to insert the sheet metal and painted white, and the whole thing is screwed into the wall. The storage for his magnetic letters (and future magnetic toys) is the bottom row from the shoe organizer on his closet door. It provides the perfect storage and makes use of an underutilized row in the original organizer since anything put in that row was immediately taken out by Ethan =) So far we just have his magnetic letters so much of the play involves spelling out words, but future toys will allow for more experimentation.

The other addition is a homemade light table. After Ethan rediscovered the record player, as seen here, he became obsessed with listening to records and playing with the record player, which is not good when you're dealing with an excited toddler and old, fragile media. So we moved the record player to one of the bookshelves and the records to the printer cabinet, freeing up the old table they had been stored on and under. As we contemplated what to do with the table, I realized it would be the perfect size for a light table! So my live-in carpenter got to work cutting out the center while I took to the internet to find 12" T5 fluorescent bulbs and white plexiglass. One Amazon order, one trip to a sketchy but incredibly friendly plastic store, and a lot of cursing because the brittle wood of the table kept splitting apart later, we had ourselves a light table!

The shelves above the table were a point of much contention. I thought that space was just perfect for shelves to store all of Ethan's sensory materials, allowing them to be in the open and in his view without being in the way. However, I was overruled because to put shelves there, even 4" ones, would block an inch or two of the trim of the window, which is apparently a very big deal to some people... We went to my in-laws for their opinion when they visited this weekend, and my mother-in-law agreed that his sensory materials would look quite nice there, so, victorious, the shelves were purchased and put up last night. Ethan already loves being able to see and reach up for whatever he wants, and it's so much more convenient!

Our current sensory materials (from top to bottom, left to right): Baskets containing empty containers for sorting, plastic scoop, immersible LED lights, and extra water beads; dry sensory bin // wooden beads; seashells; rubber sea creature figures // colored rice; Mardi Gras beads; pinto beans // translucent plastic jewels; pony beads; glass gems.

Ethan was so excited about his new light table! The first time we plugged it in, still unfinished, in the garage, he ran up to it, slammed his hands down on it, and shouted "YAY!" As it was brought in and carried upstairs the next morning after a final sanding, Ethan began clapping and chanting "Yay! Yay! Yay!"

I'm planning a post for tomorrow with a pictorial glimpse into play in our new playroom, but I'll conclude with one of my favorite new photos from that first morning with the light table:

Resolutions Update

Well, I'd planned on doing my resolutions update on March 1st, but seeing as today I met my next weight loss goal, I figured I'd just go on ahead!

1) Floss every day - Kept

Yup, I've kept up my flossing routine, and I think it's finally become an actual habit. I think the stats say it takes 3 weeks before something becomes habit, but this took much longer. I had to consciously remind myself to do it each night up until just a week or so ago. But now it's finally become just another part of my nightly routine.

2) Meal-plan - Kept, mostly

I'm qualifying this one because there have been a couple of weeks where I didn't plan the second half of the week until Tuesday (waiting to see what meat was on sale) instead of Sunday and there were also a few days I didn't end up sticking with my meal plan (like the day I forgot to put dinner in the crock pot before leaving for class, got out of class late, missed my bus, and didn't get home until 30 minutes after I usually do... that night, we had Chick-Fil-A). For the most part, though, it's worked out pretty well! It motivates me to try new recipes, it ensures I don't cook the same things every week, and, most importantly, it makes sure I'm cooking from scratch every weeknight. This week isn't a great example because my in-laws are coming this weekend, and we may be going to meet them on the coast on Friday, but here is this week's plan:

- Sunday: Ate out (Ethan only napped an hour, and I just didn't have meal prep in me with a fussy baby)
- Monday: Homemade slow-cooker hummus with homemade pita (made on Sunday) - I'm having leftovers for lunch each day
- Tuesday: Roasted pork tenderloin with homemade sage butter, roasted potatoes with herbes de Provence, baby lima beans
- Wednesday: Slow-cooker BBQ chicken sandwiches
- Thursday: Sweet potato gnocchi with maple sage sauce
- Friday: Dinner either on the coast or on the way home
- Saturday: Dinner with in-laws

Every meal is made from scratch, and I'm really enjoying myself! Ethan usually is good about entertaining himself, but today he was being fussy so I strapped him on my back and he just snuggled in and watched over my shoulder.

3) Lose weight - Kept!

As of this morning, I have met my next weight loss goal, 9 days ahead of schedule! This is more notable since I gained 4 lbs. over Christmas so I have lost 11.8 lbs. since the start of the year. However, I have not kept on the Couch-to-5K plan as I had hoped. I did the first four weeks (of eight), then one workout I wasn't feeling well so I skipped it. The next planned workout, I still didn't feel great, so I skipped that one, too. Then the next time it was raining. And by then, an entire week had passed. And once it was no longer a habit, it was harder and harder to motivate myself to start back. So it's been 2.5 weeks since I last ran. I'm not sure if I'm going to try starting back or if I'm going to do a different work-out plan, perhaps one I can do inside so the weather won't be an excuse. I did enjoy the four weeks I completed, though. The last workout was run for 3 minutes, walk for 90 secs, run for 5 minutes, walk for 2.5 minutes, run for 3 minutes, walk for 90 secs, run for 5 minutes. At the start of the program, there is no way I would have been able to do that, but by then I was doing it with relative ease! So the program works, you just have to do it =)

4) Do more fun projects - Kept!

So far so good! In January, I had my crafty week, which I blogged about here. February has been all about doing things with Ethan, mostly focusing on sensory bins but also cooking and projects for the playroom. More will be said about this later once the projects are complete, but it's been enjoyable and relaxing. I'm glad I've made this a priority, and I look forward to coming months!

So there ya go. I've kept all of my resolutions thus far. The next check-in will be May 1st or when I meet my next weight loss goal, whichever comes first.

Food Confessions

Since I'm apparently in confessional mode here on the blog, I figured I should come clean about my recent slacking. When we first started Ethan on solids, I was so careful about what went in his body. I made everything he ate, choosing organic and local foods where possible (the only non-organic was bananas because those are clean enough). I scolded when Ethan got bites of Cool Whip or Jello from his daddy (not scolding Ethan, obviously, but his enabler). I made sure that Ethan got the best nutritional start I could give him.

Then he started finger foods. At first, I kept up with all organics. Cheese, veggies, yogurt, cereal, etc. Then he started refusing different textures, and I had to find a way to get him to still eat fruits and veggies other than just giving him purees. Enter the freeze-dried fruits. Now, in my defense, they are at least all natural, containing nothing but the fruit, but they aren't organic. That was probably the beginning of the end. Next came the cereals since Ethan started getting into his daddy's Honey Nut Cheerios, and, let's be honest, non-organic cereals are so much cheaper. Then Ethan started refusing to eat his yogurt, but he would still take bites of mine. So in an effort to get more protein into him, I began just giving him my yogurt instead, which, while not organic, at least doesn't have any artificial sugars in it.

Eventually, it just became a matter of finding things he would eat. Chicken fingers and french fries when we're eating out? Sure. At least he's eating meat. Pancakes covered in syrup? Look at how happy he is! Then Daddy began sharing his Christmas candy loot so Ethan got his first tastes of chocolate and began a new obsession: gummies. He will now point to the cabinet and exclaim, "Bear!" when he wants them. He knows I will never give them to him, but if Daddy is around, he can usually charm his way to sharing a small handful. It still drives me nuts because I really don't want him eating things like that, but at the same time, I guess there's something to be said for moderation.

So there you have it, the mom who was so picky about what her child ate when he was an infant is now letting him have refined sugars and even the occasional fast food french fry. I still try to give him nutritionally balanced meals, and at least we eat at home most days, but about the only organic he gets now is his milk. I'm hopeful that once he starts doing better with textures I will be able to give him more variety, but for now I'm just taking small victories whenever I can get them (like the fact that he ate a good bit of the pork tenderloin I made on Friday and didn't even spit any out! Or that I can get some spinach in him when he takes sips of my daily green smoothie!). Maybe the first several months of careful attention will help balance out this inbetween time?

Sensory Bins

Ethan had his first sensory bin experiences today. This morning, I set out a bin with the dyed rice I made yesterday, some glass gems (for floral arrangements), and two strands of Mardi Gras beads. I gave him a scoop and some smaller containers (for sorting). And he went to town. At first he just wanted to touch things with the scoop instead of his hands. Then he wanted to slam the scoop around and make rice go everywhere (which was fine because it's all about experimenting). Then he decided to play with the Mardi Gras beads for a while. Finally he got to work with his hands. He began picking out the glass gems (which, yes, are small enough for him to swallow, but I'm present the entire time, so don't worry, Mom). Instead of putting them in the smaller containers, he sorted them into the scoop. Then he decided that wasn't working so he began placing them under his thighs and bottom. Only then did he move on to putting them in the smaller containers. After over 30 minutes of play, he heard his daddy using the router in the garage and jumped up to show him his new treasures he sorted. We took a break for snack, and I put the bin away while he ate. After his snack and a diaper change, I got the bin back out, and he lit up with a huge grin and ran to come play. He played for several more minutes before deciding on a nursing break. He wanted to hold onto the bin while he nursed but settled for the scoop and the beads. All in all, it was a huge success! That's probably the longest he's ever sat and played with one thing before, and I learned that my attention span wears out much faster than his. While he was content to continue feeling and sorting, I was ready to move on to something else. Therefore, I think sensory bins are important to teach both of us.


This afternoon, we broke out the wet bin, so I opened a packet of water beads during nap time to let them begin to swell. These things are so neat! They are non-toxic, but I don't recommend letting your child swallow them since they expand when they are in liquid (and I can't imagine that would work well in your stomach). So they're totally safe for play, but you still want to watch your child with them. All it took was one touch and Ethan was hooked! He broke out into a huge grin. He was pretty cautious at first, using one hand at a time to gingerly poke at them. Then Daddy showed him how to move his hands around in them. And then they went flying! As soon as we could get the escaped beads back into the tub, he was sloshing them out again, laughing away. He eventually got up on his knees for a more in depth exploration and then ended up plopped on his tummy. That didn't last too long, though, because our water bead play ended when he tipped the tub over. Glad we put that towel down first!




We stored the water beads for later (just put them into a vase and wet them if they start to dry out) and went out to dinner, but our sensory exploration wasn't quite over for the day. At bath time, we filled up a couple of water balloons for him to explore in the tub. Unfortunately, this ended quite unhappily when Daddy got the bright idea to pop one over his head, causing Ethan to burst into tears at the shock of water and causing me to be drenching wet as I cuddled a naked toddler to comfort him. So while we will definitely be doing the water balloons again, I think we'll let Ethan do the popping from now on! All in all, it was quite a fun day, and I look forward to more days like it!

Re-prioritization

People often tell me they don't know how I get everything done. I always sort of laugh and say, "I don't!" (which is true... I've done maybe 60% of my reading for school so far this term). But lately I've sort of been struck by how many balls I'm currently juggling. I believe in attachment/natural parenting so I've spent time researching, breastfeeding, washing cloth diapers, making baby food, etc. Organic food and supplements to increase my milk supply are expensive, so I spend time couponing and researching deals to try to cut costs where I can. I want to be a good housewife so I clean the house every week and cook dinner every weeknight. I have to be true to my full vocation, so I am also a full-time graduate student so I can get my degree, pursue ordination, and find a job. And somewhere between all of these demands and the constant stream of noise and information from TV and internet, spending quality time with Ethan can get lost. Somewhere in my drive to be the perfect parent/wife/student, I end up losing sight of what's really important.

This really became apparent earlier this week. As I mentioned in a recent post, I want to start doing more activities with Ethan. In order to take steps toward this goal, I sat at my computer and searched Pinterest for ideas for sensory bins for several minutes... with my back to Ethan as he played by himself... which sort of defeats the purpose of finding activities to spend more time with him. Yeah, mom fail.

I realized I need a re-prioritization. There are some things that have always been important to me in parenting that I have ignored for the sake of convenience. Sort of a "If it keeps him busy, so be it" mindset. And so today I made some changes:

First of all, I have a new rule for my time at home with Ethan. No TV or internet while Ethan is awake. Since Ethan never shows any interest in TV, we've always had it on in the background for ambient noise. And it's really unnecessary. My life isn't going to be made better by watching hours of 90s sitcom reruns and cooking and design shows, so why add the distraction? Plus, it is way too tempting to get sucked into reading email or blogs and end up not interacting wholly with Ethan. And that stuff can wait. This rule was influenced in part by one of the books I'm reading for class that argues for the possibility of spiritual contemplation amidst family life if you're willing to listen for God. Since it's hard to listen for God with Frasier and Niles arguing in the background, the TV had to be turned off.

Secondly, I want to re-evaluate my understanding of "play." I've read extensively about play from a Christian education perspective through the work of Jerome Berryman (and to a lesser extent Sofia Cavalletti). Heck, I'm a certified Godly Play storyteller! So why didn't I translate this to playtime with Ethan? This is where the "if it keeps him busy..." mentality comes into play because it's easier to steal a few minutes to check email or get a few pages of reading done if Ethan's occupying himself with a flashy toy. But is that really what's best for him? Study after study shows that all these electronic, noisy toys decrease imagination, decrease attention span, and have no positive (and possibly a detrimental) effect on intelligence. I've made a point to never buy Ethan a toy that requires batteries (with the exception of one puzzle that makes animal noises when you get the pieces right), but thanks to extremely generous relatives, he has a playroom full of them. And so today I did an overhaul. With two exceptions, all of his toys that make noise/have flashing lights/require batteries are in one toy chest in the room we play in the least. Most of the remaining toys in his playroom are open-ended, encouraging experimentation and imagination. Furthermore, I've been doing more research (after Ethan goes to bed, of course) for ideas for child-led exploration and play, and we'll be introducing some of these elements in the coming weeks.

Day one has gone quite well. Once I got over the guilt of removing the gifted toys, I was more excited about the possibilities his overhauled playroom may bring. I didn't miss the TV at all. And we had so much fun today! We started off by baking homemade granola bars together. Ethan had SOOO much fun dumping the ingredients into the bowl, scooping and mixing, and when we put them in the oven, he clapped his hands and said "Yay!" Why did it take me so long to try this??? Why did I think he wasn't old enough??? While the bars cooled in the fridge for an hour, we took our weekly trip to the library. It was also a gorgeous day so we also spent over an hour outside between a morning and afternoon excursion. While he napped, I dyed brown rice for our first sensory bin (it wasn't dry in time to play with today so we'll try it out tomorrow). For the rest of the day, we nursed, played with an old phone, read, danced, and spent a lot of time playing with his toy cash register. With the exception of 5-10 minutes while I fixed dinner and when I emailed a professor earlier this morning, Ethan was my sole focus. And it was marvelous.

So yes, I will still strive to be a natural/attached parent. Yes, I will still coupon and search for deals. Yes, I will still cook and clean. Yes, I will still go to school. But I will also be engaged with my child, providing him opportunities and invitations for play and exploration. I will keep working to be the parent I dream of being, but this time, I will make sure I don't leave my child behind.

Happy Valentine's Day!

So we don't really celebrate Valentine's Day, but Ethan did receive several valentines from his grandparents, great-grandparents, and even a LLL friend today. His valentine from his grandmama and grandpapa contained an extra special treat:



We opened it at the mailbox, and he began dancing immediately. He danced in two neighbors driveways as I talked to them. He danced through the front yard. Basically, he's been dancing ever since he received it!

On a side note, I went to the original hamster dance website to see if it's still running, about 12 years later. It's still there but now there are all sorts of songs and dances you can pay for, as well as merchandise. However, there's no option to just see the original hamster dance the way it was, with the music paired with the gifs! Disappointing, though I guess not surprising.

Seventeen Months

Dear Ethan,

And yet another month that seems to have just flown by! So much so that it's hard to even remember what happened. Most notably, you finally dropped down to one nap. After a week or so of transition, it was like a flip just switched and you have only taken one nap a day ever since. You've finally figured out how to nap for 2-3 hours each day, and, as a result, your night sleep is getting back to normal. As much as I thought I would miss wearing you for naps, I honestly haven't minded as much as I thought. For almost seventeen months, I wore you at least once every day with only 2-3 exceptions, and since you've dropped your morning nap, instead I'm only wearing you once every few days. Just another sign that you're growing up.

Another sign is how much better you're getting at communicating. Here is where I've been neglectful because I don't know that I can even remember all of your new words this month. For starters, you are getting into animal noises. From "Baa" (goat) to "Rawr" (dinosaur), from "Moo" (cow) to "Meow" (cat), each one is more adorable, and you can do them all on cue! You're also learning more words for everyday use: "bobble" (bottle) for your (and my) water bottle, "hmmm" (home), "sak" (snack), "bear" (bear), "Buppy" (puppy) more specifically for your favorite stuffed animal, "dapa" (diaper) for both your diaper and for everything underneath, "baf" (bath), "bah-rone" (pinecone), and so many others that have now become a part of your daily vocabulary. Now most of your tantrums are less a failure to communicate and more a failure of us to give in to what you want (this is where your new use of "bear" to mean gummy bear comes into play...).

Food continues to be a struggle as you have persisted in your texture aversions, making it difficult to find nutritious things for you to eat. Once again, I can only hope it's something you'll outgrow, though I'm becoming more skeptical of it happening any time soon. Thankfully, you continue to grow and thrive, so I can only hope you're getting what you need!

This next month should just be more of the same. I'll try to balance school with domestic life and motherhood. You'll find new ways to get into trouble and new ways to be so adorable we can barely stand it. And the next thing we know, you'll be a year-and-a-half!

Love,
Mommy

Sitter Drama

Just a brief update to let everyone know about the recent drama and its subsequent resolution. A week prior to last Wednesday, Ethan's babysitter called about 2 hours before I had to leave for class to let me know she wouldn't be coming. She was out grocery shopping and began having blurred vision and dizziness and wasn't even sure she'd be able to make it home by herself. Thankfully, Ethan was able to spend the afternoon with Daddy so I could still get to class, but I was left with an uneasy feeling. What if she got dizzy again while watching Ethan? Her husband is a 20 minute drive away, so he wouldn't be much help. What if it happened while she was going up the stairs with him? I would never be able to forgive myself. So it was with a bit of relief that I received a call from her on Monday saying she probably wouldn't be able to watch Ethan for at least a couple of weeks until they figured out the cause behind her continued dizziness.

That relief was coupled with anxiety, however, because, while my class for that afternoon was cancelled, I was suddenly left with no one to watch Ethan on Wednesday and beyond. Since continuing to take time off work wasn't an option and I really didn't want to have to miss classes, we needed to find another sitter and fast! I contacted our neighbor who is currently between jobs and whom I trust completely with Ethan, but she's busy with freelancing and has her son's baseball games. Despite all this, she graciously offered to watch him on Wednesday since we wouldn't be able to find someone else in time.

In the meantime, the search was on. I contacted both pastors for suggestions. I contacted the people my neighbor suggested. I put out cries for help on social media. Nothing. Finally, I contacted the interim director of the preschool our church is starting next year, asking if she knew of anyone who had applied to be a preschool teacher who was currently looking for work. Instead, she offered to watch him! She's had years of experience working in and running daycares and preschools. She adores kids and kids seem to adore her. And the kicker? She only lives 2-3 minutes away. It's like it was meant to be!

So what was a pretty stressful situation for several days turned out better than I could have imagined. And now I can continue the precarious balance of full-time mom, full-time grad student...

"Mom-petition"

There are some things no one tells you about motherhood. They can't express just how tired you are after weeks of less than 2 hours of sleep a night. They can't explain why anyone would discuss poop with their spouse over dinner as if it's a normal topic of conversation. And they don't warn you about the amount of time you will spend comparing your child/parenting to others (or the amount of time you will spend judging other moms, no matter how hard you try to stop). But from conversations I've had with a variety of other moms, it appears to be a fairly universal phenomenon. So much so that it even has a silly name: Mom-petition.

Now most of it is innocent enough. You puff your chest out with pride as you read status updates from other moms. "What? Your four-month-old isn't sitting independently yet? Ethan did." "Oh, your daughter isn't walking yet? Ethan has been walking for months!" None of these comparisons are ever spoken, of course, but somehow they are thought, as if I had anything to do with when Ethan hit his milestones. As if "When did your child first roll from back to belly?" will be a question on his college applications.

But the comparisons aren't always positive. While Ethan is adding new words almost every day, I still compare him to some other kids his age who seem to be talking a mile a minute and just hope that he will catch up. Apparently I expect him to be at the forefront of everything. Also, when Ethan was struggling so much with his weight gain, I'd compare him to other babies with dismay. Heck, even though his weight has been fine for a year now, I still compare his weights when he was younger to the weights of other young babies, feeling like a failure because someone else's exclusively breastfed 2-month-old has gained 5+ lbs. compared to Ethan's 1.5. And this is where it translates to parenting, too.

On the one hand, I feel proud of our extended breastfeeding when I hear of someone who stops after just a few weeks, or even after six months or a year. And yet I compare myself to all those women with normal supplies and feel completely inferior. Someone talks about only pumping 4 oz., and all I can think of is that the most I've ever pumped is 2 oz. Once. When Ethan was 2 months old.

Sometimes it seems like you're damned if you do and damned if you don't in this world of judgment and comparison. For example, we coslept for the first 3 months but then moved Ethan to his crib when he began rolling onto his belly and his swing was no longer safe. He's mostly been in his crib since then, but during times where he wouldn't sleep, we've had periods of bedsharing. Tell that to some people and they are aghast that we would dare do such a "dangerous" thing. But then others judge us for forcing him to sleep alone in another room and speak of bedsharing as if it's the only humane way to let your child sleep. And let's not even get into the fact that we used a modified Ferber with him.

There are times I hate that I judge, but it seems like I can't help it. I impulsively judge moms who use a Bjorn or who wear their child facing outwards because they haven't researched enough to know better, failing to recognize that at least they realize the importance of babywearing. It's gotten to the point that when my husband sees them, too, and makes the "cat fight meow" noise because he knows me too well.

It seems like no matter how hard you work and what your circumstances are, as a mom you will always compare yourself to others and come up short in your eyes. And sometimes that will motivate you to do more. For example, while I interact with Ethan all day long, in comparing myself with other moms, I feel like I should do more actual activities with him, like crafts, sensory boxes, etc. And so I'm going to try to do that. Other times the comparisons get you nowhere, like my constant battle with guilt over my lack of supply. But whether positive or negative, productive or... not, the mom-petition is a fact of motherhood. It's why the debates over breastfeeding vs. formula, stay-at-home mom vs. working mom, etc. are so constant. Nothing makes you doubt yourself more than becoming a mother so you're constantly seeking affirmation that you're doing OK, that your kid is special, or at least that you're doing better than that lady over there and your kid is definitely smarter than that one. I'd like to think that maybe it gets better over time, but I don't know that it does. After all, then there are SAT scores and college admissions to compare and eventually we start all over again comparing grandchildren.

Even as I'm writing this, I'm reading through another blog and marveling that this mom still lets her one-year-old use a pacifier around the house. It makes me wonder what other moms judge me about, what pictures I've posted or stories I've told that have made them gasp and shake their heads. Perhaps this confession that I judge will be at the top of the list. Maybe it'll be that I'm sanctimonious about breastfeeding and babywearing. Maybe it's that I'm raising my son to be a Duke fan. All of these are fitting criticisms (well, except for the last one -- that's just called raising him right), but none of them are things I would apologize for. What about you? What do you judge other moms for? Where do you stand in the mom-petition?

GTHCGTH!: Then and Now