Re-prioritization

People often tell me they don't know how I get everything done. I always sort of laugh and say, "I don't!" (which is true... I've done maybe 60% of my reading for school so far this term). But lately I've sort of been struck by how many balls I'm currently juggling. I believe in attachment/natural parenting so I've spent time researching, breastfeeding, washing cloth diapers, making baby food, etc. Organic food and supplements to increase my milk supply are expensive, so I spend time couponing and researching deals to try to cut costs where I can. I want to be a good housewife so I clean the house every week and cook dinner every weeknight. I have to be true to my full vocation, so I am also a full-time graduate student so I can get my degree, pursue ordination, and find a job. And somewhere between all of these demands and the constant stream of noise and information from TV and internet, spending quality time with Ethan can get lost. Somewhere in my drive to be the perfect parent/wife/student, I end up losing sight of what's really important.

This really became apparent earlier this week. As I mentioned in a recent post, I want to start doing more activities with Ethan. In order to take steps toward this goal, I sat at my computer and searched Pinterest for ideas for sensory bins for several minutes... with my back to Ethan as he played by himself... which sort of defeats the purpose of finding activities to spend more time with him. Yeah, mom fail.

I realized I need a re-prioritization. There are some things that have always been important to me in parenting that I have ignored for the sake of convenience. Sort of a "If it keeps him busy, so be it" mindset. And so today I made some changes:

First of all, I have a new rule for my time at home with Ethan. No TV or internet while Ethan is awake. Since Ethan never shows any interest in TV, we've always had it on in the background for ambient noise. And it's really unnecessary. My life isn't going to be made better by watching hours of 90s sitcom reruns and cooking and design shows, so why add the distraction? Plus, it is way too tempting to get sucked into reading email or blogs and end up not interacting wholly with Ethan. And that stuff can wait. This rule was influenced in part by one of the books I'm reading for class that argues for the possibility of spiritual contemplation amidst family life if you're willing to listen for God. Since it's hard to listen for God with Frasier and Niles arguing in the background, the TV had to be turned off.

Secondly, I want to re-evaluate my understanding of "play." I've read extensively about play from a Christian education perspective through the work of Jerome Berryman (and to a lesser extent Sofia Cavalletti). Heck, I'm a certified Godly Play storyteller! So why didn't I translate this to playtime with Ethan? This is where the "if it keeps him busy..." mentality comes into play because it's easier to steal a few minutes to check email or get a few pages of reading done if Ethan's occupying himself with a flashy toy. But is that really what's best for him? Study after study shows that all these electronic, noisy toys decrease imagination, decrease attention span, and have no positive (and possibly a detrimental) effect on intelligence. I've made a point to never buy Ethan a toy that requires batteries (with the exception of one puzzle that makes animal noises when you get the pieces right), but thanks to extremely generous relatives, he has a playroom full of them. And so today I did an overhaul. With two exceptions, all of his toys that make noise/have flashing lights/require batteries are in one toy chest in the room we play in the least. Most of the remaining toys in his playroom are open-ended, encouraging experimentation and imagination. Furthermore, I've been doing more research (after Ethan goes to bed, of course) for ideas for child-led exploration and play, and we'll be introducing some of these elements in the coming weeks.

Day one has gone quite well. Once I got over the guilt of removing the gifted toys, I was more excited about the possibilities his overhauled playroom may bring. I didn't miss the TV at all. And we had so much fun today! We started off by baking homemade granola bars together. Ethan had SOOO much fun dumping the ingredients into the bowl, scooping and mixing, and when we put them in the oven, he clapped his hands and said "Yay!" Why did it take me so long to try this??? Why did I think he wasn't old enough??? While the bars cooled in the fridge for an hour, we took our weekly trip to the library. It was also a gorgeous day so we also spent over an hour outside between a morning and afternoon excursion. While he napped, I dyed brown rice for our first sensory bin (it wasn't dry in time to play with today so we'll try it out tomorrow). For the rest of the day, we nursed, played with an old phone, read, danced, and spent a lot of time playing with his toy cash register. With the exception of 5-10 minutes while I fixed dinner and when I emailed a professor earlier this morning, Ethan was my sole focus. And it was marvelous.

So yes, I will still strive to be a natural/attached parent. Yes, I will still coupon and search for deals. Yes, I will still cook and clean. Yes, I will still go to school. But I will also be engaged with my child, providing him opportunities and invitations for play and exploration. I will keep working to be the parent I dream of being, but this time, I will make sure I don't leave my child behind.