Tetelestai! (or not)

On a happier note, I just submitted my last final paper for the semester and am therefore done until August! This has left me with mixed feelings. On the one hand, I'm proud to have headed back to school just as I'd planned. And to top it off, I did well! I got an A in my graded course and will get a P in the other one (Thank goodness for pass-fail! I may only end up with a B+ or A- in the course since I certainly slacked off a lot, but I definitely at least passed). So I proved I can do grad school with an infant.

Then on the other hand, I'm reminded constantly that I should be graduating here in two weeks. All of my friends are posting status updates about submitting their last paper of div. school or their last paper of school EVER, and here I am with another year and a half. I could ignore the countdowns until graduation because they were still abstract. But then came senior cross day. And closing convocation. And the senior picture. Not to mention commissioning interviews, job interviews, and appointments. All the things I should be doing now, but I'm not. And yes, I'm doing something incredibly rewarding in raising my son, but I still have a feeling of being left out. As I hugged one of my friends goodbye on the last day of class, we realized we very well may never see one another again. The week after graduation, she's moving back to Texas, and while there are always conferences and continuing ed., our friendship may be relegated to emails and facebook. For some reason, leaving high school and college friends didn't hit me as hard. Perhaps because we were leaving at the same time or I was the one leaving early. Now I'm the one left behind.

And yet, I cannot fathom graduating and looking for a job right now. Maybe it's because I'm fully entrenched in the world of motherhood. But I'm glad my time at the div. school isn't over (even though I might wish for an end to the commute and I certainly don't look forward to leaving Ethan next year). I love the people, I love the classes, I love the reading, I love the places. It's comforting and engaging and enjoyable. And I'll still have some friends there next year, between Ph.D/Th.D. students, professors, and a few 1st and 2nd years I know, plus student pastors and M.Div/MSWs that entered my year. And several of my friends are staying in the area so I'll still see them, even if not in class.

And so with mixed feelings, I say goodbye to many of my friends of the last three years and look forward to my first summer of freedom since the summer after high school (the summer after college doesn't really count since it was full of wedding plans and moving). And I'm looking forward to my fall classes, which helps, too. It may take me an extra year, but I'm going to press on and finish strong!

Succumbing to Sleep Training

Sleep has been a roller coaster with Ethan. He had always been such a good little sleeper. We were allowed to stop waking him to eat around 4 weeks, and that first night he went a 6 hour stretch. From there, he built up to 10 hour stretches in the swing. This was interrupted for a little while when we transitioned to the crib, but within a week, he was back to 9, 10, even 11 hour stretches. Then the 4-Month Wakeful hit, and I feared we'd never sleep again. But after 3 weeks of waking up sometimes every hour, he did a few 12 hour stretches before settling into a rhythm. He would sometimes sleep 10-11 hours but often woke once around 10 or 11 PM. Not strictly ideal, but totally doable. Then his first teeth came in. Ever since then, Ethan has been fighting the crib. He usually will go down fine, but once he wakes up, any attempts to sneak him back in the crib are met with an awake and screaming baby. Thankfully I discovered the mattress-on-the-floor technique, but that means I don't sleep as well and wind up sore. After almost two weeks straight of him refusing to go back in the crib and with him moving his wake-up time to just after 6, I was absolutely exhausted and in need of a fix.

I hadn't wanted to do CIO (cry-it-out). At first I said we could do some form of sleep training at 4 months. Then once he was 4 months, I felt we needed to wait until 6 months (per Ferber's instructions). Around 6 months, he was sleeping OK, so I pushed it off even further, being fine with nursing and rocking him to sleep. I worried about the long-term effects of CIO and having my baby not trust me as much. He'll learn to put himself to sleep when he's ready, right?

Well, last night he decided he didn't want to nurse to sleep. Instead, he'd pop off, reach up for my face, and grin. Cute, but frustrating. After 15 minutes of this, I decided tonight would be the night. At 8:13 PM, I put him in his crib, kissed him, and told him goodnight and that I loved him. At first he was totally fine, reaching up to turn on his aquarium. Then he heard the door close and the crying began. I went in after 3 minutes to soothe and kiss him. I went in after 5 minutes. Eventually, I waited 10 minutes. Each time I left, he cried harder, but the hard-core crying lasted less each time, giving way to softer fussing. Finally, at 9 PM, the crying stopped, but only after 47 minutes of crying. 47 minutes.

I expected him to wake up any minute. I couldn't get to sleep because I was so nervous about it. The next thing I knew, I woke up and it was 3 AM. The monitor was still silent. It was at this point that I decided he hadn't actually fallen asleep but must have fallen out of the crib and broken his neck. As a result, I couldn't get back to sleep for at least a half hour. It was a rough night.

But, y'all, he slept all night. He still woke up just after 6, but that could have been due to his later bedtime. He was happy and as thrilled as ever to see his mommy. This just might work.

Supposedly the first night is the worst. It's supposed to take 3-4 days before they go to bed without protesting, but I'm hopeful that tonight will at least be better. Who knows? By next weekend I may be fully rested with a baby who puts himself to sleep and sleeps all night long. I can dream, at least.

What it means to have a curious baby (in pictures) + a video

The other day, Ethan discovered that he can pull up on our record collection. When he was crawling in the office this morning and went for the records, I went for my camera. Here's what followed (You'll notice the Roomba virtual wall appears on top of the records about halfway through. He kept getting distracted by it on the ground):



















Unfortunately, he cannot get down on his own so once he got bored, I had to lift the table up in order to get his big head out!

To show off his pulling-up skills in a different forum, here's a video from this morning of him pulling up on his walker. He started doing this all the time about a week ago, and he can even inch around it to grab the handle from the other side. What a mischief!

Happy Easter!

The Return of Consonants

Ethan used to use consonants in his babbling all the time, but around 3 or 4 months, they disappeared in favor of working on sitting up, crawling, and such (this is extremely common). I was never concerned since he's such a social little guy, but I still missed his goos and boos. In the past week, the consonants have returned and have been joined with "dadadadada"s and "mana"s. Here is a video from this morning as he babbled to me from his Jumperoo. Notice, too, the weird way he's been holding his jaw lately as he gets used to his new teeth.

Baby in Motion

Here's a video of some of Ethan's latest stunts. At the beginning, we were trying to get him to lie back on his tummy, but he thought it was more fun to run to Daddy (those are laughs, not cries). You can't see it in this video, but his face always lights up in a huge grin when he sees someone offering him fingers to pull up on. Too cute!

Seven Months

Dear Ethan,

I cannot fathom how it could possibly have been seven months ago that you changed our lives forever. You can't possibly already be seven months old! And yet here you are, crawling, with teeth, eating solids like a champ, and ready to explore the world. Perhaps I'm just in disbelief because you've been sleeping like a newborn again (OK, not quite, but you are refusing to go back in your crib at least once a night, leading to a great deal of frustration and sleep deprivation for your mommy). Despite this, I grow more in love with you every day, and I cannot imagine our lives without you.

This has been an eventful month indeed in terms of milestones! First teeth. Crawling. Pulling up. Expanding your palate (your new favorites are yogurt, pear, and apple). You've found your first "fort" in the form of our coffee table. You still refuse to work on your consonants as much as you used to, but you laugh with delight when we babble on about "ba ba" and "boo" in an effort to refresh your memory. You also seem to be understanding more about object permanence and, with it, separation anxiety. You're a smart little guy, and you make connections that astonish me, such as mommy's backpack = mommy leaving or being strapped in = carseat and being unable to reach mommy. While the ensuing cries are heartbreaking, the brainpower behind them is impressive! Tomorrow is Mommy's last class until August, though, so hopefully we'll have a bit of a respite from your panic, at least during the day.

The next month will be full of cuddles, snuggles, laughter, and playtime since Mommy's attention will no longer be divided by school after the beginning of May. By then, we'll hopefully finally have the house babyproofed so you can have full reign. You'll probably get some more teeth, and hopefully you'll be a better sleeper than you have been lately. There will be new tastes at mealtime, and new sights as we continue to explore the springtime world outside. It will be your first Easter and Mommy's first Mother's Day with an outside baby.

I've always said that my favorite time of infancy is 6-9 months, and here you are right in the thick of it. Every day is a new adventure, and I never know what you're going to get into next. You're full of surprises, Ethan, and I can't wait to see what lies ahead of you. Just know that your mommy and daddy will be there every step of the way.

Love,
Mommy

Why I Wear My Baby

People often wonder why I continue to wear Ethan. They assume he's too big, and it'll either hurt my back or be too hot or get him used to bad habits. Wouldn't a stroller be easier? Is he really secure in there? Isn't that a lot of trouble to go to? I love babywearing, and I plan on continuing for years to come (though I probably will stop wearing him for naps eventually). Here are some of the reasons why:

1) Convenience
When Ethan was a newborn, I could plop him into the Moby and go about my day while he napped. I could go outside (as in the picture above), I could cook and clean (most of Thanksgiving dinner was prepared with him in the Moby), I could do homework, or I could just relax on the couch (as in the picture below).

Now that he's bigger, he tends to stir more easily if I do too much, but I can still get my homework done and relax while he naps. Another benefit to him napping while being worn is I don't have to waste time trying to get him to sleep. Instead of rocking or nursing him in the nursery, away from everything else, I can sit on the couch and read or watch TV while he puts himself to sleep. Once he's able to get to sleep in his crib independently, this practice may change, but for now, I enjoy the extra time this allows me.


2) Soothing powers
From the early days on, when Ethan's fussy, I can put him in a wrap, and he calms down. Even when he's not quite ready to nap, he's content to sit quietly snuggled against his mommy (as in the picture above). When he does nap in the wrap, he sleeps longer and better while being worn than when I put him down in the crib. At the end of the day, if he's in a fussy mood and doesn't want to be put down, I can strap him on my back and still fix dinner. He gets the closeness he desires without my sacrificing what needs to be done.


3) Bonding Time
Skin-to-skin contact is crucial for babies. When Ethan naps on my chest, he hears my heartbeat, just like in the womb. I get to smell his hair and kiss his forehead, feeling his warmth against me. Plus, it's great for breastfeeding because it increases supply. I don't know that I'd still be able to nurse if it weren't for wearing him as much as I do. I absolutely love wearing him!



4) Travel
Babywearing is the most convenient way to carry a baby when you're traveling or just running errands. It was invaluable when we went to Atlanta for Christmas because it was an instant soother when he was getting fussy and provided some sense of stability when everything else was different. Plus, I don't need to worry about fitting a stroller in a packed car or taking one on a plane. Wraps fold up to fit in a diaper bag. Even when I'm sticking closer to home, it's so much easier to strap Ethan on in a carrier than to navigate a stroller through crowds or try to shop while holding him in my arms. In the first 4 months he was alive, I only used a stroller once, and that was for my 6-week postpartum since I didn't know if I would be able to hold him during the exam. Since then, I only use the stroller when someone else is going to be watching him at school so that they have another option to soothe him and since I need something to put all of his toys in when traveling from the car to the classroom. Babywearing allows Ethan just as much visibility as a stroller would, and he loves viewing the neighborhood from my back while on a walk.

5) It just looks cool!
I can't count the number of times people have commented on it, which still baffles me since I thought babywearing was becoming more prevalent. I don't get as many comments about the Ergo since people are used to soft-structured carriers due to those crappy Bjorn and Snugglis, but the wrap still perplexes people, especially when I have him on my back. The other day, I was in the student lounge putting Ethan onto my back to go to the car, and when I looked up while I was tightening, I noticed the curious stares. Finally, one of my friends said, "That is awesome!" And it is.


I strongly recommend babywearing to anyone and everyone, even if your child is no longer a newborn. He or she will still get the benefits of skin-to-skin contact, and you get all the perks and convenience! Just look at these smiling faces:

Fly-fishing photo session (plus teeth!)

Ethan's grandpapa is a fly-fisherman (as is his mommy, though she's still a novice), and he secretly sent Ethan this fun onesie. To celebrate his first time wearing it, we had a bit of a photo session. I also finally got some pictures of his teeth. Enjoy!

Ethan loves pulling up on anything at the moment!

Running off to make more trouble!

Two teeth!

Stop it, Mom!

Caught in the Act

Ever since he first discovered he can crawl up to and onto the shelf under the coffee table, that's been his go-to spot. As soon as I set him down on his quilt, if I don't sit between him and the coffee table, he's off and up. After he'd climbed up earlier today, I went and got the Flip for proof. His dismount isn't nearly as graceful as his climb up was (and despite the cries, he was totally fine, just vocal, so don't worry).

Mr. Mobility

Seriously, it feels like this was an overnight change, just like with the sitting up independently. He is crawling all over the house, getting into everything. A few minutes ago, I went to put my plate from lunch in the sink, leaving him playing with toys on a quilt in the front room. My back was turned for less than 15 seconds, and when I glanced back in there, he was gone. My heart immediately jumped to my throat (I don't know why. What did I think had happened?), and then I saw him. He had crawled to the coffee table, pulled himself onto the shelf underneath it, and was grinning at me from behind the bars on the side. What a mischief!!!

He currently has a cold, but he doesn't seem to really be feeling the effects, other than not sleeping or eating well. He's as happy as ever, and he LOVES his newest accomplishment: pulling up. He's been able to pull up while on his back for a while, but he's just discovered pulling up to standing from his belly, which means he can now use things other than us to pull himself up. He crawls up to anything in sight and tries to pull up on it, regardless of how tall it is. If I offer him a finger, he immediately grabs it and pulls to standing, at which point he beams with pride. He's even taken to standing up in the bath tub, much to my panic. He still can't stand without holding onto anything for more than a few seconds, so I think we're still a ways off from walking, but I can't tell with this little guy anymore since he seems to figure things out so quickly. He definitely keeps me on my toes!

Food and Teeth and Crawling, Oh My!

It's been an eventful couple of weeks in the Marks household. As previously mentioned, last week Ethan got his first tooth. He didn't seem to mind it as much when it first broke through, but the following few days were rough. He was fussy during the day and didn't sleep well at night. On Saturday night, he refused to be put down so I eventually put his crib mattress on the floor and curled up beside him, spending the majority of the night on the nursery floor. Thankfully, the next day he was in better spirits and proceeded to sleep all night long for three days in a row. Last night, that streak was broken by two wakings, and this morning I discovered why: My little boy has another tooth. If past is prologue, now that it's broken through, things might get rough again, but now I know the mattress-floor trick, at least =)

Speaking of his mouth, we've been working on solids for over two weeks now. I've made all of the following thus far:

- Mashed banana - Initially loved it, but yesterday he wasn't as interested as usual
- Organic sweet potato puree - Initially hated it but has taken it a few times since then. I haven't tried it lately.
- Organic brown rice cereal - Initially hated it but will eat it readily when mixed with banana and once by itself
- Mashed avocado - Hated it. And after sampling it myself, I can't blame him.
- Organic pear puree - Initially wasn't too impressed and still won't open his mouth as wide for it, but I catch glimmers of smiles occasionally, and he cleared his plate today
- Organic apple puree - Haven't tried yet
- Sweet pea puree - Haven't tried yet

On Sunday, we'll start with the apple, so hopefully that will go over well since he's already used to the texture with the pear. And here in another week or two, we'll add a second meal! I'm loving making all of his food myself. I just wish he enjoyed eating it as much!

Ethan is definitely on the move with his army crawl. As I type this, he's crawling around on the floor and trying to pull up on his Jumperoo. While I'm excited for his development, it makes the need to babyproof the house even more evident. He gets frustrated with staying in one place for too long, and he can't be left alone for a second unless he's in his pack-n-play or Jumperoo. Maybe over the next couple of weeks we can get that taken care of... As I said, it's been an eventful past two weeks so I'm afraid to see what the next two have in store for us!